The Balanced Equestrian - Articles, News, Tips

The Balanced Equestrian by Kelleen Simons

Updated March 7, 2005

Strategies for Resolving Rider Resistance: The Perfectionist
By Kelleen Simons, LCSW, Life Coach

In a previous article, I introduced the idea of resistance in the rider and wrote briefly about potential underlying causes. In this article and in future articles, I will delve a bit deeper into this subject and offer practical strategies for equestrians who are feeling stuck or resistant, and wish to start moving forward again toward greater success and enjoyment.

I will start with the story of 35 year old Gwen, (not her real name), an intelligent woman, who was very successful in her career and had been introduced to horses and riding in her early thirties by a friend. Gwen became instantly fascinated by dressage and with less than two years of riding experience, she purchased a gelding, who was well schooled through 4th level. Her goal was to soon be competing and winning ribbons at local horse shows.

Although her horse was well behaved, Gwen was unable to get him to perform the movements he had done so well with his prior owner, as she was still struggling with mastering the basics of riding. Soon, Gwen did not want anyone to watch her ride, except for her instructor. When her instructor offered to videotape her riding to help her gain insight, Gwen adamantly refused. Several months later, Gwen stopped riding and taking lessons altogether, despite her continued interest in horses and dressage. She felt discouraged and confused about what to do next, and was embarrassed about what she perceived as her lack of ability as a dressage rider.

Gwen is what many of us might describe as a perfectionist: she set unrealistically high standards for herself and for her riding. As illustrated in this example, perfectionism can easily lead to resistance because perfection is an unattainable goal. For the perfectionist, they key to moving forward again often begins with developing greater self-awareness and then making some positive changes.

To start, Gwen became aware of thoughts and silent self-talk based on unrealistic expectations. Some examples were:

"I must be a great rider in order to be successful. It would be horrible to be merely average."
"Everyone must like me and think highly of my riding abilities. Otherwise, I will feel terrible."
"I cannot make any mistakes when I ride. That would be awful."

Gradually, Gwen worked on replacing those thoughts with alternative beliefs that supported forward growth:

"My worth as an individual or a rider is not based on my competence and achievements."
"It isn't reasonable to expect everyone to like me. I have little control over how others think and feel."
"My abilities build in increments, over time, through patience and perseverance, not overnight."

With practice and dedication, we are all able to change our mindset to one that leads to success and satisfaction. It is important to remember that to strive for excellence is not unhealthy. What is unhealthy is when we view ourselves as acceptable only when we achieve excellence in all areas of life.

Kelleen Simons, LCSW, Life Coach provides one-on-one coaching to equestrians who seek solutions to their everyday problems. To subscribe to her free on-line newsletter, visit www.TheBalancedEquestrian.com.